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HOLY BOOK OF AZZAGAROTH

I am starting a "new religion", and have started writing the "holy book" to serve as its guide. (You may notice a resemblance to the holy book of an old religion.) Actually this is a "double project". I am writing both the "holy book", and also a "hymnal" to go with it. As of September 22, 2017, the "hymnal", a collection of parodies of Christian hymns, as well as some new songs written to my own music, is pretty much done. All the songs (unless I decide to add a few more) have been written. It is just a matter of getting them worked up in a nice "hymnal" format ready for publishing, so it will be a little while longer before it is ready. I still haven't come up with a name for the book, though. If anyone has a good idea of what to name a "hymnal" of hymn parodies, please let me know.

I have done a first draft of most of the "holy book", being pretty much all the parts of the Bible except for the prophets of the old testament, and I have samples below that you can read and enjoy. However, those prophets, the books of the Old Testament from Isaiah to the end, are real "sticklers". If anyone has any suggestions of how to handle these I would sure appreciate it. I have posted an example below from the book of Hosea, exactly as it appears in the Bible (NIV). How could I rewrite this to make it funny, entertaining, sarcastic, satirical, etc.? Or, in general, how to handle books of this nature? Any suggestions are welcome.

Here is part of the fourth chapter of the book of Hosea. How would you rewrite any of it to make it funny, cynical, etc.?

[1] Hear the word of the Lord, you Israelites,
because the Lord has a charge to bring
against you who live in the land:
"There is no faithfulness, no love,
no acknowledgment of God in the land.

[2] There is only cursing, lying and murder,
stealing and adultery;
they break all bounds,
and bloodshed follows bloodshed.

[3] Because of this the land dries up,
and all who live in it waste away;
the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky
and the fish in the sea are swept away.

[4] But let no one bring a charge,
let no one accuse another,
for your people are like those
who bring charges against a priest.

[5] You stumble day and night,
and the prophets stumble with you.
So I will destroy your mother --

[6] my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.

"Because you have rejected knowledge,
I also reject you as my priests;
because you have ignored the law of your God,
I also will ignore your children.

[7] The more priests there were,
the more they sinned against me;
they exchanged their glorious God for something disgraceful.

[8] They feed on the sins of my people
and relish their wickedness.

[9] And it will be: Like people, like priests.
I will punish both of them for their ways
and repay them for their deeds.

[10] "They will eat but not have enough;
they will engage in prostitution but not flourish,
because they have deserted the Lord
to give themselves [11] to prostitution;
old wine and new wine
take away their understanding.

[12] My people consult a wooden idol,
and a diviner's rod speaks to them.
A spirit of prostitution leads them astray;
they are unfaithful to their God.

[13] They sacrifice on the mountaintops
and burn offerings on the hills,
under oak, poplar and terebinth,
where the shade is pleasant.
Therefore your daughters turn to prostitution
and your daughters-in-law to adultery.

Here are some completed chapters you may enjoy

WARNING: If you are a seriously religious person, DO NOT READ THESE! (You have been warned!)
Genesis - Chapter 1
Genesis - Chapter 2
Exodus - Chapter 2
1 Chronicles - Chapter 4

I am making progress with my "holy book", but while you're waiting you can also read this section from a book by Steven Pinker, which is hard to beat if you want a more-honest-than-most-devout-Christians-might-prefer look at the Old Testament!