Like many of these songs, this one was written quite a few years ago, as you can tell by the numbers. I am leaving it in it's original form. If you wish to sing it, you can easily change to words to make it more up-to-date.

THE SMOKER'S SONG

Went in the store this morning and did my dollar pay (plus change).
Picked up my pack of cigarettes to get me through the day (part way).
Quite a bargain when you think about it -- what you get in that little pack --
Countless milligrams of nicotine and tar to make your lungs most black.
Carcinogens are there galore to help you get most ill.
Where else can you get so much for just a dollar bill (plus change)?

Went into work this morning, my cigarette aglow.
The secretary at the office wouldn't say hello (snob).
She doesn't understand my cigarette, the joy it brings to me.
What's the matter with her anyhow? She thinks it's unhealthy.
Just because it causes cancer, she thinks I ought to quit.
She says it smells like an old truck tire burning in an outhouse pit (she's gross).

Went in the house this evening, gave my wife a hug.
Then she yelled at me most rudely for dropping ashes on the rug (time for a new one anyway).
Went in to see my little girl, the cutest thing she is.
But she made an awful funny face when I gave her a kiss.
My boy came up to greet me, but then I screamed in alarm
When my cigarette accidentally burned him on the arm (it'll heal).

Now I'll always smoke my cigarette for these reasons true:
It's a sure sign of intelligence, sophistication too.
Because people respect me when upon it I draw.
Some keep their distance from me, they hold me in such awe.
It shows I'm tough and macho, like my daddy before me
'Til he died from lung cancer at the age of fifty-three (not from smoking of course).

Chorus:
Puffin' on that cigarette -- every drag is so divine (cough, cough).
I'm so glad I got my cigarette; how it makes me feel so fine (cough, cough, cough, cough ....).